Katie,
Before I respond to your post, I just want to say how sorry I am that you and your husband are going through this...
again. I can't imagine what it must be like for you. With that being said, allow me to be direct.
In the past he stole over 30,000 from us finally we made the decision to charge him. I really need some advice here, I truly believe if we don't follow through he is headed for bigger problems. One of his friends let us know that yes he has been smoking crack again. I am so sad over this. I know he will loose things his job etc.
That's a pretty big number, Katie. Over 30 grand? And he's done it
again, and as you observed:
what is so sickening is he takes no ownership.
Nor will he so long as he's on his current path. Think about it. You've been dealing with this for 11 years, and what has really changed? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. So it's time you and your husband take action. Which, I know, is something you don't want to do. But if you're to look at this dispassionately, you have no choice. If someone other than your son had done this, you would have no problem pulling the trigger and prosecuting that person.
It is time...far past time...that your AS experiences the full consequences of his actions. If he loses his job, so be it. If he ends up in prison, so be it. And most importantly, if he chooses not to address his addiction and the characterlogical stuff that goes along with it, that is not, and has never been, your problem. That is his problem, and he needs to take ownership of it whether he likes it or not.
If perchance he should whine about you turning him in, just remember that he's stolen from you without conscience twice. And also remember if given another opportunity down the road, he would do it again without conscience. It's up to you and your husband to make sure that opportunity never happens.
Do what you need to do.