Hi everyone, and welcome to the newcomers!
Things I'm grateful for today: I have washed my face and brushed my teeth every night since getting sober (never did before because I stumbled to bed or passed out on the couch). Every morning when I woke up after drinking, I would be racked by guilt and promise myself not to do it again that night. And then night would come, or afternoon, and I would just want relief. It is so wonderful to wake up without that guilt and self-hatred. I had so much energy at 6 a.m. even after going to bed late! Plus in only 5 days, I find I have SO much free time. Used to end my day at 4 or 5 p.m. and fall into the wine, whiskey, beer, whatever. Yesterday I took care of lots of things I've been avoiding, like going to the bank and finally taking my car to get fixed. Is this how normal people live? I feel like I can get so much more done!
I finally went to see a counsellor yesterday. Unfortunately, the free place only offers one session, but she pointed me towards some other resources. Just being able to tell someone honestly what the last two years were like was such a relief. I am so full of shame, and no one knows the extent of what happened with my family or how much I actually drank. She was very common-sensical, even about AA, which I didn't expect. I thought she would push me towards it as others have, but she said to keep doing what I'm doing, which is SR and getting physically healthy, but I really needed long-term counselling for the issues I raised. I'm so proud of myself for going; I've avoided counselling even though my mom died in February and I went into a horrible depression. My counsellor was alcohol, I guess
She also said what every counsellor has ever said to me after only one session: I am really hard on myself and need to show myself a little compassion. Easier said than done!
Sorry for the long post, but writing really helps me solidify my resolve not to drink for another day.
Good luck, all!