Its hard to think you have some disease and are convinced of it, and say ok thats it, I am done because I have this. Then you find out you dont, and its like, well heck I dont have it so I'll go back to my ways... And you know its the wrong thing to do, but you still do it because you are no longer scared. I try and keep myself scared, and tell myself that eventually my luck will run out if I keep this up.