Happy Saturday, ladies!
Welcome Bubbles and bluehour. It's good to have moms joining us on this path!
Bubbles - What you are going through sounds like a real trial, and I hope it eases up on you soon. It's so hard to face everything sober, after having drank away those awful feelings and situations in the past. I haven't been through what you have, and I know you are strong to be here on the other side, working through it.
Blue - Wow on 4 kids! I'm jealous, really.... I always wanted 4 kids (well, since I've wanted kids. I used to want NO kids when I was in my mid 20s, because partying was way too central in my life).
I worked today, leaving my girls with hubby, and it poured. I felt bad for them - there wasn't much they could do to really get out and entertain themselves. I woke up with some anxiety and had a brief craving for beer at work (weird! my flash cravings come at the oddest times!). I've had a few times in the past few days that I've thought - f this sobriety, asking myself the question, "Is being sober worth all this anxiety/hypochondria?" Because I feel like it's the tradeoff I've made. But maybe it's not a trade. Maybe I'd be anxious AND drunk if I was still drinking. I don't know... I feel like I deserve more. I deserve to feel healthy all the time since I'm taking care of myself. I deserve to feel mentally strong, since I'm doing everything right. And those feelings of "deserving" something are what always got me in trouble with my drinking. "I deserve this margarita - I work hard all day!" But all the same, I'm kind of angry about how I feel right now. There is no reason for this anxiety. I feel like my hormones are nuts. Yesterday, I had big mood swings from feeling amazing to feeling nervous, several times over the course of the day. That is NOT me, and I'm nowhere near my period or anything - in fact, it just ended. I wonder if its normal to feel this way SO long after my sober date. Is it normal to be readjusting at 16 months out, or is this completely unrelated? A friend of mine got off Zoloft about 16 months ago, and says it's only been recently that she feels completely herself again. Can alcohol be similar?
I'm so busy anymore, I can't even imagine drinking like I used to. I guess if I was "normal" I'd be able to drink my little glass of wine with dinner and move on, but that's not a reality I've ever lived.