Like you, I ended up with a party girl. What other kind of girl was I going to meet, if all I did was party?
I wasn't going to run into a Nobel prize winner or someone who just quietly got on with her life with little need for drink, drugs or both.
I met women that partied / raved without any drugs and just a drink or two (if any at all)
I just thought they came from a different planet and I guess they looked at me and thought "why does he get so wasted like that"
Having a good honest look at myself, my flaws, my nasty pieces of personality, helped me realise my wife and i's mutual attraction.
She has her own issues that she is now aware of and is doing her very best to reign in. Doesn't get it 100% right 24/7, but it's progress, not perfection.
As it is for me.
I don't find it depressing that any sane woman would have looked at me in full flight and run a mile.
It just means they could see in me, what i couldn't see or acknowledge in my self for years.
I was damaged goods. Why else would I be slowly killing myself with very high doses of self prescribed medicine ie booze and drugs.