I was nervous heading into the appointment, but things went relatively OK. There were no concrete conclusions reached at the appointment, but I think the therapist saw that I was a reasonable person. I was calm throughout the ordeal, but I did call my wife out on the fact that there we no less than 5 occasions during the 45 minute session that she brought up my past H use when it was totally unrelated to the topic at hand. Even the therapist was getting annoyed with it, but I must say that the therapist was very good at concealing her reactions. She let her guard down a little on that one, and I could tell the therapist was frustrated.
Also, my wife brought up some things from the past and said that I was just too intoxicated on the H to remember it. I flat out called BS on that one. Somehow I was able to handle a full time job and interact with various people without every having these mysterious 'memory gaps'. They seem to only be unique to situations where she was the only person there. Maybe she was referring to nights when I had to get up in the morning early and she was blabbing about the newest thing on one of those damn new housewives show. Ya, I nodded off during a few of those conversations when it got to midnight / 1 AM - guilty as charged. However, what guy wouldn't nod off - sober or not - listening to a recant of real housewives? I can't even stand when it is on the TV in the background...much less listen to a recap of the show.
My wife seems to be trying at least. There is nothing to lose at this point, but the therapist does not look like she wants to use it as couple's therapy. I still worry that over time a distorted view of the situation will be presented to the therapist, and my wife will receive positive feedback for her behavior. The last therapist that she went to gave her the advice that she needed to be "more assertive". Anyone who has been around my wife for 5 minutes would probably throw themselves into convulsions from laughing if they heard that advice. At first I was pissed at the last therapist, but I realized that it would have been practically impossible for anyone to come to that conclusion if my wife was presenting a situation with any basis of objective reality.
I can relate to those that identify as co-dependents that try to fix someone else's problem. It may completely be a fool's errand on my part, but I am going to try anyway. After reflecting on it more I realized that I wouldn't be able to truly walk away without exploring every avenue, and making a good faith effort.
Also, I clearly have my own issues that I am working through right now. I am still feeling like garbage, but today is better than yesterday. Today, I have been a good boy!
I do feel quite guilty about the recent screw up with the amps, booze and benzos. I was a difficult person to be around during that time, and was nearly incapable of functioning with the booze. That is not to say that a functioning addict is somehow better, but I don't see how being mean / unable to function wouldn't have a greater impact on those around me.