HI all!
Cola ... I have "issues" with my family, but when we can do something that is fun and not get into the twisty stuff it is a big help. Having activities like hiking (which most of us are pretty wimpy at now although in the past we were real troopers) helps! I think it keeps us on track with the less emotionally intense parts of the relationships and helps build that bridge of how we can enjoy our time together.
Last night I dreamed about 3 different "old friends" who I (and they) have let the difficult parts of our relationship destroy the friendship. What you said about your weekend hit home with me. I'm not a believer in ignoring problems or anything like that ... but sometimes I think we have to create a space where we can enjoy those around us despite our troubled relationships.
I got approved for my vivitrol! I can get my shot next Friday, but due to that being my last day before vacation, I will delay it to Monday so that they don't have to close the office early that Friday and I can get the huge amount of work that I need to complete before being gone 2 weeks. I'm going to call my sister-in-law (who I have some issues with, but who has been supportive and cares) and ask her if she is off that day if she would come take me to my dr's appointment and then for the shot. This is so I won't back out cause a part of me doesn't want to make drinking not even a possibility .... in the big book they say "can't imagine a life with or without alcohol" and although I'm not an AAer, that phrase is one of many that I can relate to.
The whole "vacation" thing has been a bit crazy ... My workplace is looking at it as everything will just have to wait till I get back ... but that means 12-20 hours overtime next week to clear everything I can and 12-20 hours overtime the week I come back to try and frantically catch up what no action was taken on for 2 weeks! It's a systems error in thinking that I'm going to do my best to short circuit. I can't "cross train" my one employee to do everything while I'm gone ... in fact she isn't capable of much of the analytical/action activities ... but we are a huge university and there are ways to let someone take a vacation without coming back to worse pressure than before they went! I'm working on a plan to request that people work directly with the higher administrative units to keep paperwork moving. I'm setting up a calander to send people on what I will be working on next week and times where they can come in with brief questions, etc. (no major projects. I will also tell them point blank the order of priority for what I will do on my return. I have to redirect people to my staff person for immediate action items and be sure I have given her all the information needed to proceed with the help of upper admin offices to complete needed things. I'll miss some stuff and it won't be perfect, but hopefully it is a start in the right direction.
Sorry to go on so long. I absolutely HAVE to change how I deal with things to provide myself some sanity as I complete my career. I had to give up one aspect of my job that I excel at and love because this job doesn't allow enough time to do it. It's not something I feel good about, but I'm not a specialist anymore, I'm an everything that comes up employee and so I have to give up some of the parts of my job that I love and excel at in order to meet the needs of my workplace. Although I am sad about this, and feel like my best skills are not being used, I have come to some partial acceptance of this.
Good news is that my boss is looking into the possibility of a half time new staff member that I could dump some of my variety of hats on to so that I can perhaps (hope hope) spend more time on the things I'm skilled at.
OK ... now I really went on too long (LOL) ... I almost use this thread as a diary.
Thank you all for your patience ... still sober but really struggling!
Nands