Things are not going well.
I'm reaching out (as per the directions of my counselor) to F2F AA "friend", by phone and threads and chat to SR friends and actually things were going better.
But now it ends up the county health people can't even recommend me for a psychiatrist till I have 3 months sober... then a 8-10 week wait.... The vivitrol approval hasn't come through yet. I just don't know if I can make it that long at this point! If that makes me weak so be it... but I won't stop doing the next indicated thing to get whatever support is needed.
I refuse to give up. My county health care counselor is disgusted by the system that says if you are alcoholic you cannot get medication till you stay sober 3 months. But that is the rule (for alcoholics, not non-confessed alkies). I understand the reasoning, but this is just too hard. I don't think I can make it 3 months with no help for other stuff.
The counselor actually told me (with great dissatisfaction with the system) that I should try to explore a way to get my care from a private counselor and psychiatrist to avoid these restrictions. So I will be looking into that and making phone calls tomorrow. I have insurance, there are hoops to jump, but not as much as a time lag as for the county mental health organization.
I understand that people don't trust alkies, but I have a history of a need for medications even after sober for periods of years. I'm not willing to wait and I'm not willing to lie about my sobriety to my counselor in order to see the psychiatrist. that would simply short circuit the progress I've made ... which I think has been significant.
My current plan is to continue counseling with my current counselor as I seek a private agency to help me. He is helping. I'll continue to be honest and hope that I can find someone who can help me get a more appropriate treatment for my anxiety/depression issues not completely related to my alcohol related issues. I will call my doctor to find out where we are at in getting me back on the vivitrol and I will continue to fight against any desire to drink
I really hope people have some time to post about the positive things in their life. I know I am a "train wreck waiting to happen", but I refuse to believe it is the only possible outcome.
the good news is that I got 4 separate emails from people in my professional life thanking me for my good work! My first reaction was "oh my god ... they are going to fire me"
It only lasted about 2 minutes before I realized the cycle I've let myself get in ... that is progress!
Give up your good news and share your personal struggles
I want to be there for you too
