Good Morning everyone, I've been through the "I've been x time without a drink I can try it now" a couple times now over the past year and it hasn't worked for me any of the times. I started drinking the day I turned 21 essentially and never looked back. I told my doctor I thought I had a problem the first time probably 2 years later but didn't quit. I quit for 3-4 days in Feb of 2013 maybe and that was the extent of my sober time for 8 years. There were some heavier periods early on but at this point I was about 8 beers per night Mon-Thu and 12-14 range probably on Fri/Sat/Sun. Then November 2nd to December 1st (or so) of 2013 I put together 30 days consecutive. Then said to myself it's the holiday season. I got through Thanksgiving without drinking. I think I can handle this now. So I had a couple beers Friday night, then again Saturday night, then Sunday afternoon. The next week I waited until Thursday, 3 whole days in a row and felt pretty proud of myself. Within 2 or 3 weeks I was drinking a 6 pack a night at least. More than that on the weekends. I wasn't quite on the pace I was before my 30 days sober but I was working my way up there. I quit again Jan 14th of 2014. I went 102(ish) days. This brought me to sometime in the 2nd of last week of April. I was over 100 days and said look at me. I've never made it this long without drinking before. I really feel like I can handle it now. So I had a couple beers the last night of vacation then a couple more the next afternoon once we were home. Then waited 5 days until the next weekend and had some beer each day of the weekend. 3-4 a day. I made it until Thursday the next week again and at that point it was daily again within 10 days of picking up the first drink. I spent the month of May working my way back up to almost a 6 pack per day on weekdays and more than that on weekends. June 1 is now my sobriety date. I've accepted that fact that I'm either drinking or I am not. There's no balance in it for me I'll all in or all out. And ultimately there is now doubt in my mind that if I'm all in it will kill me at some point. It might not be today or tomorrow (although it very well could) but it would be the death of me at some point. Today marks 95 days for me so I'll be at a new record before I know it. This time I know I just can't drink though. It's not an option I'm even allowing myself because I've seen twice now where it ends. I'm not sure it helps those dealing with the 'I think i can handle it now' feelings. I don't really have any advise to offer just my experience with it over the past 10 months. I can say that the feeling are not as strong this time up to this point. The other times I failed was when I quit putting myself first. I stopped taking my morning quiet time in prayer. I quit reading and working towards recovery and slipped back into the trap. Everyone take care and be safe today.