Thanks for the replies and support everyone. I do appreciate it, and I do understand your concerns. While I was intoxicated last night when writing some of those posts, I live by the mantra that "a drunk mind speaks a sober heart". Part of me - deep down - believes everything that I wrote.
While I was not suicidal last night I would say that I was ambivalent about living. To me, that is a valid distinction. There was one point in my life where I was suicidal (Feb 2012) during my CT H kick. Of course, thinking about it and even planning it are completely separate from doing it. I am not sure I would have had the balls to do it to be honest.
This morning I am feeling much better. This is the 2nd day off the Wellbutrin and the feelings of psychosis are much less this AM. On the previous days I would wake up, and I don't really know how else to describe it other than a sensation of racing thoughts, intense restlessness, aggression, etc. I realize it probably sounds crazy to everyone that I am suspecting Wellbutrin as being a contributing factor. Craziness seems to have become the central motif of this thread anyway. If it wasn't the Wellbutrin then maybe it is the amp withdrawal tailing off. I was also taking the 300mg XR Wellbutrin from day 1, and I think you are supposed to start on a lower dose. Typical addict thinking - if 150mg would work then 300mg will work twice as well. My morning cigarette was quite enjoyable and relaxing so at least I have that going for me.
I don't really feel the pull to take the benzos / booze right now. On prior days I would feel an extraordinarily strong pull because I felt extremely agitated when I woke up, and really felt like I needed drugs or a straight jacket to get sorted out.
Whatever the root cause is, I will take what I can get at this point. At the highest dosing I was at 3mg Xanax and a little under a case of beer per day. It was only that high for a week or so. Given the fact that I have next to no tolerance for benzos or booze I really don't see how I was able to get to that in such a short amount of time (I think this whole thing has been going on for about 3 weeks) unless there was something else (e.g. withdrawal or Wellbutrin) going on that was revving me up to offset them. I would have expected to be unconscious at a quarter or half of that.
So, feeling much better today. I did take 1 amp this AM and 0.5mg Xanax this AM. No alcohol, and I am feeling MUCH better than I have in a long time. That feeling of extreme agitation isn't present, but I am still somewhat restless upon waking.
I still see the situation as unacceptable though, and don't want to come across as complacent. The only acceptable one is zero amps, zero benzos, and zero booze. The cigs will need to wait for now. I am resigned to my fate with coffee. That one is never going anywhere.