I don't even know what to say here.
I'm really rooting for you, I care as I've seen so many wonderful posts from you over time and lastly, I read the 1st post here about how this started and why (cleaning/trying to get a handle on everything that had been sitting for a time). It is something that I can easily see myself doing.
I get quite frustrated with back/leg pain after having a few years break with opiate help. In a nutshell, I was able to experience closing up a doctors office and seeing/hearing the professionals (not the doctor) gossip and tar and feather anyone on opiates for any reason. I cant' be in that world so my choice is this *waves arms*....which is PAIN. Am trying to get through a month till my appt to have epidural shots in my back. Am utterly overwhelmed majority of time with everything that hasn't been done and I physically seem incapable of doing.
My best and almost last (1 left) long term friend died a week ago so I'm in a emotional spot too, so please forgive the bit of over the top from me. Just very concerned for you....definitely feel you can turn this around and get back to the better life. I am a very hopeful type person, always feel anyone can change things around by themselves or with help.
I definitely can understand the lack of faith in medical community and counseling. Just remember that one quack doesn't make the whole group worthless. I'd try another person, group, even just a sober buddy.
take care.... xx
---forgive spelling and grammar errors. Am in a headache hell from the grief and stuff.