I have all the same thoughts! I think since I'm working on myself and changing myself so much I will be able to moderate at some point. When I go there, i start thinking of how that would work.. The moderation. Would it be only on weekends , only a certain number? Then I realize. I don't want to moderate. I want to drink most nights. I want to drink when I'm stressed, when I'm celebrating, when I'm mad, ect ect for me it's def the av. I have committed to myself I will stay sober for one year and will reassess. So far I am hoping I don't WANT to go back. I'm struggling with feeling like I would have more time if I was drinking at times. I know the consequences arnt worth it but at times I still think it could be worth it. Such as three glasses of wine with my friends may be worth the hangover in the morning. The problem is it would t just be the hangover it would be the drive home, possible DUI, marriage problems.... I totally get where your thoughts are on this. I'm hoping these thoughts get less and less as time goes on. 90 days today!!!