Hi opio, I was just thinking about you too and very glad to see you're back. I can relate to everything you just said. When I got off of 30 vicodins a day 4 years ago, I just switched my addiction to beer. I thought I would never get addicted to beers , ever. Like you, nothing was as "wonderful" as my opiates. I couldn't understand the appeal.
However, we're addicts and we tend to take most substances to the extreme, and I even abuse coffee! I drink way too much and I admit I am completely addicted to it.
Does your wife know that you've had a set back?
I'm hoping you can get some help with this ASAP. I would really hate to see you pick up that needle ...
Don't beat yourself up about this either, we're addicts and most of us relapse. What's important is you've recognized what you've done and you're here asking for help.
I have a question though, what was happening in your head when you decided to use the amphetamines? Were you really fatigued or did you want to feel high? I think that's probably the bigger question and if you wanted to get high, what triggered it?
I know for me, my cravings are very intense when I start thinking of anything stressful because I was so used to popping a pill to solve my woes. Little did I realize I was just creating an even bigger problem than the credit card bills or my nosey in laws. Nothing is as stressful as fighting that monster voice every single day and telling it to basically STFU.
Thinking of you...