Yes I am self destructive at times. Not nearly as bad as I was 2 years ago but I do feel like I'm flirting with disaster when I go on benders. Because I usually am. I went to a meeting tonight, mostly guys around twice my age. I told them a part of my story and they were all just shaking their heads in agreement. It's weird how easily I can identify with guys like that that I have never met before in my life. They knew where my story was going almost immediately. Also asked my roommate to help. Which is hard. But it's gotta stop.