This has happened to me over the years. A long stretch and then boom! But something inside of me said this is it! I swam out into the ocean and swam back 1,000 times but I won't make it back anymore. So now I'm working on the thoughts that came before that 1st drink. Like..you're in the clear etc. and I forget how bad it was. Do you recall your mood or thoughts that trigger you? Are you self destructive? Do you deserve to be sober? Do you feel like you're holding your breath staying sober and have to let it out drinking? Just some thoughts.