Hi withdraws, welcome. Sorry your in so much pain. Things can change. It sounds like you start drinking sometimes out of boredom. Maybe developing a plan of things to do with your free time would help. Don't pick up the first drink and make commitments to do sober activities. I've been through a lot of what you mentioned and it's went on for 30 years. I sure wish I would have realized my major trigger and how to deal with it years ago. You are worth it and have us in your corner. A little willpower can get you a long way. Think of the good days ahead you can have when your no longer hungover. Sobriety can be yours and nobody can take that from you. I'm rooting for you!