Originally Posted by newstart85

Yesterday I came to terms with the fact that I have a problem with binge drinking.

I've been drinking heavily on and off since October of last year. Before that drinking for me was very rare. Last October I was diagnosed with Meningitis and all the painkillers in the world that they gave me didn't get rid of the severe headaches and photophobia. One night I was in so much pain I just said "**** it" and poured myself a glass of whisky. Tall glass, no mix, little ice. This became my standard drink of choice later. After drinking down the whisky I sat in my chair and to my surprised it helped with the pain. It didn't completely kill the pain, nothing did. But it brought it down from a screaming 10 down to a 6. After that, the rest is history and I spent the next three weeks completely drunk off my ass off whisky until my health was better.

It was easy for me to rationalize this at the time. I was drinking "medicinally" and once I got better I would stop. Looking back on things, I probably would have gotten better a lot sooner had I not gone this route, and I did some damage to my marriage in the process.

After mid January rolled around, I was better and good to go back to work (thank god for my insurance package, or I would have had to work while I was sick.) and to my credit I did stop drinking for a bit, but I couldn't stop for good. Again I rationalized it as I was sick so it didn't count. But now if I was going out for drinks after work, I had a taste for it, and one drink was never enough. After the months went by I found I was drinking heavily again. Rough day at the office? Better get falling down drunk. Going out with a few buddies? better be the drunkest one there by the end of the night. Depressed from your job, marriage, etc? buy a bottle.

I realized that this was an issue, and I had stopped drinking (for the most part) since the end of June (except two instances where I was going to a friends place to drink, and both times I didn't stop until I was black out drunk) but for the most part, it still didn't seem that bad. This weekend was the last straw. I went to a party of a friends with a bunch of coworkers. I planned on not drinking that night, to be honest, i didn't even want to go. I was able to turn down drinks for the first couple hours, but after a while I just thought (well, I can have one) Unfortunately, it didn't stop at one. It ended with me having everything I could have at the party, coming home after the party and drinking straight whisky until I blacked out. I didn't remember much of when I got home that night, but my wife was terrified for me all night, half expecting I was going to die. I woke up to a hole in the bathroom wall from when I was so drunk but thought I needed to have a shower (bon fire) and repeatedly fell in the shower, twisting my knee something fierce.

I had a long talk with my wife the next day and broke down; I have a problem. Not something I thought I would ever say, but ironically one of the most difficult things I ever have said. I have a lot of alcoholics in my family on both my mother and fathers sides. Up until a year ago, I took pride on the fact that I didn't have a drinking problem, and now I do. I want to be able to just change my relationship with alcohol. No more whisky obviously, but I want to know if it is at all possible for me to even have a couple beers at a social event and be able to stop. When I start drinking it seems that once I feel a buzz coming on, that I need to have more and more faster to chase that buzz, to get drunk off my ass. I don't want to live this way anymore.

I don't even really know how to end this, I've just been typing up until this point. If you read this, thank you.