thanks for this post, glad you are here. definitely helped me to read it, as i could relate.
sounds, of course, like a chicken and egg problem you are looking at. if you keep drinking, you'll continue to face disagreeable circumstances and situations which you feel you don't deserve. if you stop, it is likely to be uncomfortable for at least a little while.
one of those choices brings guaranteed, worsening discomfort. the other promises a life beyond your dreams, opportunities you never imagined you would have. i'm speaking from experience.
the choice is obvious, but not easy. we are here for you. i promise you, sobriety is worth it. if you put your all into it, and you stay open-minded, the discomfort will pale in comparison to the relief. just my .02