underachievement
I don't know how to deal with being sober and miserable. I drank a bottle of red Friday and last night, breaking a week of sobriety. I know alcohol is ruining my insides: I feel the niggles and dull pain in my liver and kidneys every time I drink but the pain goes away and I start letting the "one more night" demons tell me that drinking is essential for processing your daily life. I know I should be humble because there are people here in worse positions than me but I feel so much frustration everyday. I spent years finishing my degree whilst working 80 hour weeks. I graduated four years ago and every decent job I apply for I never make the shortlist. I know I need to push myself harder and try and make my own opportunities but drinking is so much easier to dull the senses and I'm surrounded by workmates (earning the same as me) who are, frankly, morons and don't do their job with as much vigilance as me. I'm full of anger and resentment at the world and the way it seems to work now. I don't know how to deal with being sober and miserable. This is probably a less important question in the context of others' struggles here but I just felt the need to express this as it's my puzzle to solve and a trigger to my drinking.