rogue86

Hi all,
I'm 28 years old and my little sister is 2 years younger than me. As a bit of background, we have both been diagnosed with depression/anxiety problems. My anxiety is very severe so it has always hindered my drinking and I dislike feeling very drunk, makes me too anxious. On the other hand, my sister self-medicates with alcohol. She drinks when she's anxious, sad, stressed, whatever.
When my sister went away to college at 18 in another city, she started abusing alcohol and drugs regularly. I did not know the extent of this until I was maybe 21/22 when she called me, sick and hungover from taking too much E and drinking. She had me promise not to tell our parents, which I didn't. I worried about her all the time, never really knowing what she was doing because she lied constantly. When she was 23, she moved to the same city as me. This was a huge relief for me because I thought away from her alcoholic, drug-obsessed friends, it would get better and I could keep a better eye on her.
When she moved here, she continued to abuse alcohol and drugs. She stopped using drugs I think about a year/year and a half ago, which I am so proud of her for. And for a while, she was much better about controlling her drinking. But for the past few months, she has really spiralled out of control. She cancels on our plans most of the time because she is hungover. I have to go over at least once or twice a week to bring her painkillers, coffee, food, clean up her vomit and generally take care of her. When she's drunk, she has huge gaps in her memory, just hours that are totally blacked out. She picks fights with her boyfriend and can be very violent. I love my sister so much and part of me is happy to support her. But the other part of me is growing more angry and resentful everyday. The other day, she went out during the day with her bf and they came home and went to bed at 10pm. She has terrible insomnia and went out at 11pm by herself and got drunk. She came back hours later and started a huge fight with her boyfriend. The next day, she called me hungover and I came by with tylenol, advil, coffee and movies. She told me about the previous night, smiling like it was funny and it made me want to slap her. She told me that she fought with her boyfriend again in the morning on the phone, and that he was 'mean' to her. She doesn't seem to be able to understand where others are coming from. Or she doesn't care to. Any criticism of anything she does is 'mean' and she absolutely turns everything into a personal attack.
A day doesn't go by that I don't worry and have to hear from her to know she isn't dead. I've had so many panic attacks just from not being able to get a hold of her for a day. She lies about how much she drinks all the time (tells me she had 2 beers then admits she also had a bottle of whiskey) and lies even more to my mom, making it impossible for me to talk to her without exposing all her lies. She fights with her current boyfriend constantly because of her drinking as she is an especially nasty and angry person under the influence.
She mentioned to me this week that her boyfriend told her she has alcohol problems. I agreed that I thought she might have a problem with drinking. This was met with lots of sarcasm and dismissal, refusing to entertain the thought. This topic is often met with justifications like, 'I can't have fun without it,' 'everyone else gets to enjoy it, why shouldn't I,' etc. etc. Having an honest conversation with her about it is nearly impossible because she is very sensitive and embarassed. She doesn't seem to take anything seriously at all. I understand how difficult addiction is and I know I can't help her unless she wants to help herself. But seeing her do this time after time, I'm losing a lot of patience, sleep and sanity. She regularly texts/calls me in the middle of the night, she has no regard for waking me up. If I'm seeing friends/going to an event, she doesn't care either. I feel like I'm constantly on call for whenever she needs me. I'm beginning to hate her a little bit and it feels terrible.
I think it's partly my fault. Maybe I should be drawing some lines and making boundaries. But I want to be supportive as much as I can and hopefully get her through this. I'm just so fed up with her selfish, blase and careless attitude. I also feel incredibly selfish for being so angry and fed-up, which you are welcome to tell me if I am being.
What should I do? What can I do? She doesn't want to go to AA, she doesn't want to go to rehab, she doesn't want to see a therapist. Basically, she just wants to keep doing what she's doing. She doesn't seem to care about losing her partner/friends or hurting her family. I'm sorry if this seems very harsh, usually I am much more calm and sympathetic. But I am so sick of tired and worrying constantly and her calling me away to care for her. I try not to do anything except be supportive, informative and caring. I don't guilt her or try to lecture her, just be a friendly ear and care for her while she's sick. I wouldn't be so frustrated if she was actually trying, that is the real issue.