I married that man, and I was you. Making excuses, ignoring the signs. Everything he does or does not do that hurts you now will only get worse. And then you will have to carry the load and get your own life....if you have the energy to do it after being brought down so low.
I'm sorry, but those are the facts. I am praying right now that you will have the strength and wisdom to postpone the relationship. He is showing signs he does not want it either. He knows he is bad for you and you are bad for him. That's why he's getting worse. He's hoping somebody will stop him from repeating history. Maybe that someone will be you.
Trust your instincts, and trust your elders. They do have the benefit of having lived much longer than you. And you do not have experience with alcoholism. That was me. I didn't know the lion's den I was walking into when I married my husband because I didn't know how bad it could be, because there were no alcoholics in my life at all. The emotional degradation and control has nothing to do with alcohol at all, only alcohol makes it worse. Even if he sobers up, he will still degrade you. The emotional abuse will be the same. Trust me. I've been through it. 15 years. But, I'm out of it now, or I would not feel easy about sharing this information with you.
Please take care. Seriously. I will be praying for you to have wisdom. There is a good book called "The Emotionally Destructive Relationship" by Leslie Vernick. I recommend reading this before you do anything. You can get it on Amazon.com