Good Morning Everyone -
It's been an up and down week here. My best friend from childhood was here, I posted a picture on facebook and a girl from high school posted a terrible comment about him being gay. I took it down and confronted her. She's the one I posted to you all about a few months ago about getting in a wreck, while drunk with her kids in the car. She proceeded to message me on facebook more belligerent messages calling me names, being generally bigoted and racist. So, I wasn't the better person and told her to get help. That I hoped she would seek out support when she's sober but that I wouldn't communicate with someone who was clearly belligerent and told her to get off Facebook, considering her state of mind. This sent her into a tirade. I shouldn't have said anythign about her alcoholism. It was below the belt. Pot calling the kettle black much? I did say that if she ever wanted to talk seriously about her problem, I'd be more inclined if she was sober. Her nasty comments have stuck with me, somehow finding a way to make me doubt myself and feel bad about myself. She basically said stuff about my family and how messed up my sister and brother are. Anyway, its been hard to shake. I feel like there's been a lot of aggression/negativity around me this week, I'm trying to rise above it. Going to burn some sage in the house this weekend.
No plans this weekend. Other than family time and working out. Which makes me happy.
I was going to ask you all the same thing about cravings... I still have some drunk dreams and still find some moments in time where I just want to be sitting on the patio buzzed, smoking cigarettes, with no one home. Things that have worked for me:
-Reading stories about other moms in recovery
-Going on a run (I visualize sweating out the nasty thoughts and old booze and nicotine)
-Distracting myself with housework or errands or projects (my new project: getting the house ready for a 'Friendraiser' brunch I'm hosting for a charity board I'm on. It's not for a month but I've had more cravings lately... looks like I'm going to be doing some gardening and getting a new headboard for our bedroom.)
-Eat something especially delicious- Go to TCBY and get a Froyo with chocolate syrup and nuts, get chicken fingers or pizza, things I love but refrain form.
I went to my Obgyn on Tuesday and got my checkup and plan to try for baby #2. Going to take my IUD out in December. My Dr. knows all about my drinking and I told her I was a bit scared to get pregnant again, what if I 'F' up my sobriety? She doesn't think I'm an alcoholic, she said 'its all emotions'. It's not but I have to be aware....
Anyway, I hope everyone is ready for a good weekend! I'm focused on turning it around, mentally.
Have a pretty empty day today, I'll be checking in.
XO