EJM- I've been there. I've been trying to get sober since roughly March. So relapses are nothing to feel be bad about. Yet, you do. I know I do. The fact I almost gave in on Sunday rocked my confidence and instilled doubt if I can really do this, if I want to do this, maybe finally this time will be different. All those thoughts have been riddling my brain the last few days. Hang in there.
Day 62.
First off, thanks for all the support and congrats for 60 days! I was throwing myself a pity and doubt party, so I was too busy to celebrate.
Good news is, I'm feeling back to where I was, prior to nearly giving in. I truly felt shameful after nearly drinking. Like being caught with my hand in the cookie jar or something. That shame just sucked the life out of my sails and really replaced hope, with doubt. But alas, here I am on the eve of 9 weeks; that's ******* crazy, lol.
I've had to remind myself this is not an overnight process; the immediate gratification that is drinking isn't how building this new sober life works. I think in part not being able to drive limits some of my ability to find my sober groove and develop new habits. I get to drive again at the end of September, so I'll hang tight till then.
In other news, I met with my psychiatrist and convinced him I think it would be best to get off my anti-depressant. It's largely because I was only 30 days sober in January and rushed into it hoping a pill could cure all my problems. Typical addict, right? Well both drugs I've been on seem to make me a zombie. Without copious amounts of caffeine, I have very little interest in anything. Not sad, not really happy, just here. I'm hoping I didn't need the pills to feel normal, like I didn't need my sleeping pills to sleep, once I was off them.
Reports I've read online advocate tapering off of Pristiq or I'll have severe psychological issues and withdrawal. My shrink tells me that's crazy and I'll be fine based on my low dose and only have been on it for 3 months. So, I took half a pill today, and don't plan to take one tomorrow. So hopefully this weekend doesn't involve a slip or anything crazy... Stay strong kids.