As my s/o just posted I was NOT a pretty sight in early sobriety at ALL. I think I'm guilty of many of the things your wife did. I won't even try and justify my bad behavior and won't try and justify your wife's either. You have every right in the world to expect certain things and the ability to attend your meetings too is important. What I didn't realize is how important Al-Anon had become to hubbie pretty early on and was guilty on at least one occasion of causing him to miss a meeting. That has not happened since. IMHO you need to make it crystal clear what your nights are and make it happen. The early days are very hard scheduling wise and you've been given good advice about finding childcare so you don't have to worry about fitting your meetings in.
I did read some of your backstory and you are in a tough spot because you've been through this before, its not the first time. You know the roller coaster and all the twists and turns that are likely ahead all too well. It exhausts me just reading about your story, can't imagine what its like living it. Like others have said though best thing for you to do is focus on yourself and dive into your own recovery.
I wish you and yours well wherever your paths may lead you.