The appointment went "ok". I did not have high expectations, cause they had made it clear that it takes at least 2 meetings for referrals before they can get you to see a physiatrist for appropriate medication. But I was a bit upset cause it will be 2 and a half months before I can get the proper meds. My counselor (who I had before) is pretty disgusted with the whole way things are right now. He said there are no longer options for people to do a hospital detox, so doing at home with the help of family is really the only way you can do it!
My counselor is working with my regular doctor and I guess we are going to have to keep me on the current anxiety meds for the 10 weeks it will take to get to a better medication. The one I'm on is just not really a good idea for more than 6 weeks, but they both agree that at this point I need something to bridge over till I can get on a less problematic medication. The Doctor is also working through the insurance process (including appeals) to get me the Vivitrol shots. I still talk to one person from AA and she said even though she believes in the AA program she thinks I should do anything that will give me some help in battling this. I think I will probably go to an AA meeting next week just to try and develop some social friends who are sober and face to face. When Connie died things became a bit harder in that respect.It's hard, cause I really don't think AA is suppose to be a social network. It's a specific way of dealing with alchoholism and it didn't work for me. But I've had several good friends over the years and they all came from AA or SR.
I was very upset by Robin Williams death. I always admired that he really refused to get into a bunch of stuff with media about his alchoholism and depression. I admire that he stuck with his marrage (I think) and that no one ever talked about his wife ... I just saw her once at the academy awards. I always have felt that his true great performance was "Dead Poet's Society" and there was another serious role he did but I can't remember what it was.
My brother has the same facial structure as Robin Williams, so I called him last night and said "so sad your "twin" died".
anyways, it was sad. I'm really glad that I am no longer suicidale. I at least know that I don't want to die! Between Robin Williams and Philip Seymour Hoffman dying this year it's been heart breaking. Like Robin Williams, Hoffman didn't talk a lot about the addiction thing and I don't know why but I admire them more for keeping it private from the "public". Hopefully they didn't keep it so private that their friends didn't know.
OK ... even though I'm going to work an hour early, I'm still late compared to my plan so I gotta go!