Originally Posted by
MythOfSisyphus 
I believed it was 95% her fault. But now 20 years later with almost 2 years of sobriety I can see that my drinking drove lots of the problems. I sure wouldn't have admitted it back then though.
Sooo relate to this even though I am female, but also the A in the relationship. Drinking became the excuse NOT to get real with myself, not to fully take on our issues. It never solved a darn thing at all. It never made me sit down and say "here, sit with me, listen to this audiobook on xyz I'm dealing with and hold me" rather I drank and distanced, and continued. What was the problem? I never once took personal accountability for my part and my drinking was driving A LOT of our problems.
Sorry to digress from the rest of the thread but just wanted to throw this in quickly while fresh on my mind.