It's hard even to admit this, but my AV almost just had me. Today I went to lunch with the family and then took a family photo with all my cousins. The photo was kind of stressing me out as we had to take a million different poses and angles and by the end I was ready to run to the nearest bar and drink.
Well I had made plans to meet a friend downtown for dinner and discuss our plans to go to Europe next spring. Ever since we started talking about my AV has been loud as hell and casting doubt I could live and enjoy such a trip without it.
So we started off at a European type place for a meat and cheese tray. All around us, I saw pretty girls and old men sitting outside, drinking wine, and enjoying the day. It all got to me; I WANTED that. The amount of time I've been sober, the necklace I wear with my sobriety date, the disappointment I'd get from everyone in my life didn't matter. All I wanted was to have one drink, just one...
Long story short, my friend luckily was strong and said he wasn't going to let me do that. He quickly realized I wasn't kidding and nixed every plan I wanted that might lead to my "one drink". We got some cigars, walked around, and after about 30 mins, I was back to me. I felt immediate shame that I was even considering it and pushing for it.
The night ended with a fantastic meal and then a sober ride home. So happy to typing this and on to day 59 tomorrow. This is a wake up call that my addiction is not as weak I thought. The second I let my guard down, it's ready to pounce. Stay strong guys.