trifecta

It's like a metaphor, only seriously, I found the little buggers all over my kitchen floor last night. I'm beginning to think God wants me out of the house.

I've posted on this forum before, but recently created a new profile for privacy reasons as my AH and I are going through a divorce. Last night, after dealing with the maggot infestation, I got an email from my AH and the lawyer his parents have hired. My in-laws have offered to "buy out" my interest in our townhome. The idea would be to rent it back to me and my small children (4 and 6) for a year, after which time I'd be on my own and in need of a rental. My husband would swap the townhome for something closer to his work.

I have a strong, emotional connection to the townhouse, which is something my husband lacks. I also feel like the situation is unjust. It was my AH who overdosed on crystal meth when he was supposed to be watching my kids! It was my AH who only lasted 11 days in rehab, and then started an emotional affair with a 20 year-old co-worker! I know I played a part, mainly in meeting addiction with co-dependency for 20 years, but the unfairness of the whole thing just makes me cry. I have two little kids, and a job that pays poorly so I can spend time with them. He has wealthy parents who will take care of him no matter how bad his addiction gets. (In theory he's sober, but I just don't think a sober person enters into an emotional affair right after getting out of rehab, and immediately after moving out he signed up for a bunch of internet dating services, which also sucks.)

We had been trying to settle the divorce with just a paralegal and a financial planner, but now of course I have to hire an attorney of my own. In the aftermath of my AH's overdose, we spent through most of our savings (on couples counseling, natch!) so paying for an attorney will be a genuine hardship. My AH's parents are very wealthy, and they have hired this lawyer ostensibly to help me and the kids stay in the house for another year, but as far as I can tell won't agree to a home equity loan or other option that would allow us to stay without losing title.

The lawyer pointed out that sometimes attorneys are needed to avoid damaging relationships when emotions are high, but I feel like my in-laws have all the money already, and now they have a lawyer, and I'm just out gunned. I can't really afford an attorney on my own, and frankly can't afford a two-bedroom apartment for me and my kids in the area where we live, especially since rents have been increasing 10-15% every year for the past year or two.

I'm beginning to think God wants me out of my house. Since my AH's overdose, and my discovery of his affair, I've started to look for messages from God in everything. Usually, I just hear God's voice in meetings and in Al-Anon literature, but I am really starting to think that the maggot infestation and the email "introducing" me to my AH's lawyer are a sign that I should just give up the house and try to start over. It's especially difficult because I have always thought of my in-laws as my parents. Coming from an alcoholic home, I really believed they were the family I never had. And now, they've hired a lawyer to try to take what I consider to be my house.

I realize this is probably a cognitive distortion, or whatever, but I feel completely powerless (hello, step one!) and under attack. I'm meeting with my therapist this afternoon, and there's a meeting at noon I can go to, but I'm a mess. I have an appointment with a lawyer on the 13th. I'm just so deep in grief I can't even see straight.

Anyway, thanks in advance for your love and support. Sorry to dump on y'all but it's been a really rough 12-18 hours. Things will get better, but I'm not there yet.