Shooting Star, you put it so well. I remember reading and reading, and researching all things, but none of it was to make me better, it was all to accept him as he was. I couldn't.
Reading this is like reading about my life. A big trigger. I thought I was helping myself, but I wasn't. It was all about him. I needed to start making it about me and the life that I wanted to have, and not walk on eggshells anymore.
So yes, self-help books hurt me, alanon would have hurt me, therapists hurt me, why? Simply because I wasn't thinking about me, I was still trying to fix him, or try to figure out how to live with him.
There really was no way to do that. I tried them all.
PS- I don't want to hurt anyone here. Especially you Liz