You wrote: "the day she puts herself in without having the copay and figures it out on her own will be a turning point for her."
The hard thing for me was/is detaching from things that don't seem related to addiction, like a moving truck and storage, but that actually are very related--her addiction is her whole reason for being (a recovered addict told me this recently). At one point, my compartmentalizing her addiction from other problems just kept the fuel tank full for her addiction. If I choose to do anything like that for her these days, she knows it is a very special thing indeed. And it is not easy for me to be seen that way, and yes there have been barbs and anger, but still, it seems to have worked out. She asks me for very little and is very grateful when I offer anything.
It is hard, and as others have said, you can't understand how hard until you've been in our shoes. We are here for you!