Here's my take on the whole "I need to confess to the person I "cheated" on...DON'T...
I'm a firm believer that whatever sins that have been committed against another that they are not aware of should not be revealed, all in the name of Making Amends. I find it rather offensive when people want to alleviate their own guilt and shame by forcing the person whom they treated like crap to hear precisely what "sins" they committed against them. Tell a priest if you find the need to confess, but don't make that person "visualize" your sins that they are completely and utterly unaware. I personally do not need to know the particulars of the sins my partner has committed against me and our relationship. If the other person is aware of the actual sin then by all means, make amends, but confessing to secret sins is not making amends, its freeing yourself of your own shame and guilt at the expense of their broken hearts. I will qualify this message to say if you suspect you've contracted some STD and could possibly pass that on to one's mate then its absolutely imperative that they know and be given the chance to say "NO THANK YOU, I think I will pass on any future possibilities of contracting the nasties". I speak only from experience on the end of being "told" the truth of actions of which I had no clue...I would have preferred to live in the dark on those truths and sincerely believe that the person that commits those acts of kindness can take them to their grave. Making amends does not mean that we tell "ALL" to "ALL"...there is relief in confessing ones sins to another, but I do not believe that we owe it to the person that we've committed the actions against, especially if they are completely unaware of our actions. Please understand that I'm not referring to "crimes" that may have been committed for which justice may better be served by the coming out into the light with the information. I'm simply talking about trying to clear ones own conscience at the expense of hurting another individual...especially your "LIFE" long mate, we owe them that much...take it to the grave...I know there are things I've done, that if I shared them, "MORE HARM" than good would come, and I'm not talking about harm to myself, I'm talking about the harm and hurt and pain and maybe even some agony of learning of shameful actions committed against them. Think long and hard on this, sleep on it many many days...do not alleviate your own guilt at the price of another's pain...that is utterly selfish...comes back to the motives again...if what I'm doing is not out of love then it stinks to high heaven, even if we lie to ourselves and tell ourselves, this is for the good of both of us...it still stinks...that's my story and I'm sticking to it...I'm sure there are others who will utterly disagree with me, and that's okay too, I'm only sharing how I see it and my interpretation of "if it does harm to another" then its not a good idea to proceed on in that manner. I share this in love and sincerely hope whoever reads these words will take stock of their own motives before jumping into the amend making process and possibly ruining a lifelong relationship for the sake of making oneself feel better...for the moment...because after it all backfires, you'll be screaming, why did I listen to that person that told me to "CONFESS ALL"....