Good morning ladies,
Sounds like there are a lot of relationship issues going on. I think just about everything that has been said I can relate to. Unfortunately I'm not very good at giving out any sort of relationship advice so I'm not even going to try. But I will say that we just can't control the other person. All we can do is control ourselves and communicate what we want and don't want then go from there. Easier said than done, I know.
I hope everyone is doing well otherwise. I'm just taking it easy today. I haven't been feeling well lately. I've been feeling really drained and a little under the weather. Tired, sore throat, achy muscles. I thought I was getting my baby's illness, and maybe I still am, but I haven't gotten any worse over the past few days. I think I've just been over doing it. Giving all my energy to my baby, the house, hubby, etc. I need to recharge my batteries, so despite there are things that I think I need to do, I am forcing myself to take it easy today. No cleaning other than the dishes. Dinner will be something easy. I'll take a trip to the store because we are out of absolutely everything.
I've also been having some fairly intense cravings. I'm pretty sure it's coming from this "emotional makeover" I've been doing. Being tired adds to it too. Yesterday I got to a very dangerous place where I started getting emotional over the cravings. I felt like the fear was just seeping in that I wouldn't be able to control myself. Like my mind was getting clouded by the thought of drinking to just get out of my head. That's all I wanted to do. Just stop thinking. That's what it always boils down to. I just want the voices in my head to shut up. That feeling of "I NEED to drink" was coming back. It's a very powerful feeling. I didn't want to do anything that I'd normally do to help me through the cravings. I didn't think they'd work. I didn't even want to get on here and tell you all about it. I ended up just locking myself in the house, not allowing myself to go anywhere, and it eventually passed.
It was scary, and obviously this emotional makeover isn't working. Maybe I'm just not ready for it. Maybe I got overwhelmed. So, I'm wearing make up today, damn it. I like the way I look with it on. It makes me feel comfortable and I think it's fun to put it on. You could even say it's a way I express myself. I'm getting to a place where I can accept that I'll probably never be on the cover of Vogue, some people may not like the way I look, some people may, and I'm aging. And some of my friends are aging better than I am. There's just nothing I can do about that. I'm not 20 anymore. I don't get the attention I used to. I have crows feet. I have bags under my eyes. Whatever. I just can't help it. I am who I am. I didn't choose this body or this face so why should I be judged on it?