This post resonated with me so much. Don't feel bad, Monday my H and I had a serious conversation about his sobriety. We both agreed I did not feel safe at home, so I would continue to stay at my moms (mind you, I am the one with 2 kids) Anyway, Friday I can sense he is high, so we argue and I finally said "A Ua will squash this." He agreed. Of course, came up positive for meth. I asked him about our conversation on Monday and all of his honesty, you know what he said??? "I was honest on Monday, but today is Friday"!!! Are you kidding me??? Oh, he totally said that crap. So I told him to leave, I did not want him around the kids high. He has not spoke to me since. I am the bad guy. Hummm...really? Okay.
Don't beat yourself up. Some of us have been living in your situation for years. Some of our children have been living in this insanity for years. Even today, if he came to me and said he was ready to get clean, I would do the same thing you did, because of that one chance this will be the time it works. That's all I want, just to receive that one chance. Lucky for you, he is not your H. You have so much to give to someone healthy. And you deserve that back. Don't loose that chance to find Mr. Right while chasing and crying over Mr. WRONG. God Bless.