I guess I just needed to say out loud that for the 1st time in 9 years I took my kids to do something fun on my own, with my own money.
You see, I have discovered that I am extremely codependent. I cannot do anything without my AH. Nothing!! For years I could not even go get gas without him. Not because he was controlling, but because I would have to be by myself. I hate being alone. But being alone all summer made me realize that I will not die because I am alone. It at times was actually nice. Anyway, my AH and I were going to take the kids to phoenix today to a water park. He pissed me off, so I have not heard from him all day. I slept in, which is not like me. Laid in bed for a while and then thought "screw it, and screw him. He has taken so much from us and I am sick of him ruining everything. My life, my children's life, our dreams, our hopes. Screw him. I am tired of feeling sorry for myself. My kids were promised a good time, and I can give it to them!!!!" So, at 3 this afternoon, I rounded them up and we drove 3 hrs to phoenix and I took them to dinner, the mall, and then to a movie (Hercules, good movie). They had fun. We are now at my oldest daughters staying the night and will return home tomorrow. Needless to say, I am proud of myself. I did it. Baby steps for me, but my kids are seeing leaps and bounds in my recovery and that's all that matters to me.
