Hello there happy
Originally Posted by
happybeingme This is a question particularly for those who have gone no contact with your parents. Have any of you been faced with your parents declining health?...
I went no contact. In theory, anyway. In practice it took me several years of slowly cutting back and inching away. Once I was able to _totally_ cut them off, and not feel guilty, the absence of "FOO-stress" was wonderful.
Years later they all started to go down hill health-wise. A cousin would call me once in a while, otherwise I would have never known. They were adults, fully capable of taking care of their own needs. They _choose_ not to do so, so then I chose to respect their decision. I don't rescue adults any more, only abandoned kittens and the ocassional dog.
In the end my father, uncle and aunt all died within a 3 week period, of complications related to alcoholism. By then I had plenty of recovery in my system and the emotions I felt were very mild.
There are untold numbers of alcoholics living on the streets with serious health issues. I don't feel any guilt over those strangers, I don't feel a need to rush out and rescue them now that I have plenty of recovery in me.
My biological parents treated me _worse_ than most any homelees person would. I know, I have given a few bucks to the homeless now and again, they always smile, say "thank you" and then move on so as not to encroach on my space.
My parents never did anything that respectful.
What I do now is contribute to the Salvation Army. I take my old stuff, send them a check on holidays, look around and buy whatever I might need. I got some good furniture and exercise equipment from them. They do the rescuing of alcoholics who _want_ help and are willing to make the effort to get sober.
When my now ex-wife became addicted to pain pills and our marriage fell apart I gave my wedding ring to the Salvation Army. I had no further use for the ring, and they could use the money. The best part is some young couple would be able to get a nice ring for cheap.
With the "Army", and a couple other charities, I can help people who are doing good in the world, instead of wasting my efforts on my FOO.
Mike