The only time I felt good about myself as a child was when I was pleasing my dad, and my mom to some extent. My dad's attitude ruled my emotions, though, so I worked hard to get good grades, I cleaned the bathroom better, I stayed out of his way, and tried to be the 'perfect daughter'.
Yes...that's me. I've been thinking about this a lot lately. The wrinkle in my case is that neither of my parents is an alcoholic (if they were, maybe I would not have had my head so far up my *** when I met my ex - I was so naïve. But I digress.)
So what was it that turned me into a people pleaser, fixer, show-how-competent-I-am-in every-situation type of person? I had a couple of "regular" boyfriends but I was attracted to the losers that needed my help. Why? The best answer that I can come up with is that life in our house revolved around my father's moods in the same way as if he had been alcoholic, despite the fact that he was a great provider, involved parent, 100% reliable, not an addict. In addition to all of that, he is/was a control freak with a hair trigger temper (not a batterer but emotionally, yes we were scared of setting him off). Staying out of his way when he was in a bad mood was something you just did. My brothers crossed him and took the consequences but I tried to be perfect and do what he wanted me to do. I think I carried that with me for decades.