Originally Posted by
NWGRITS 
I have a hard time maintaining friendships long-term. Whether it's jealousy, boredom, or feeling like a doormat, there's always some reason that I end friendships. That's all fine and well, but it's the way I go about it that has me scratching my head (I'm working my 4th Step inventory again and digging deeper this time). I don't just end friendships with a "Sorry it didn't work out, but best of luck to you." No. They go down in flames. Bombing bridges to bits. I don't know why I do it. I've been thinking about it a lot lately. I don't know if I'm scared of being the one to end it or what. I always end up starting some argument or saying something really unkind and having the tables turned to where they walk out of my life. I feel embarrassed and relieved at the same time. Why can't I address concerns with people like a normal human being? Why do I even think that these things warrant severing ties to begin with? I don't have many friends, and I like it that way. Trying to make conversation (especially with other women) is uncomfortable. I'd rather have dental work than be in a room full of people and have to talk to them. I'm a homebody. And yet I like being the center of attention (for what reason I don't know, but I'm guessing it stems from just trying to be seen as a child in my FOO). Anyway, this may make perfect sense or none at all. Is anyone like this or is it just me? I know some of my issues in developing real relationships are rooted in being ACoA. But what of the rest of it?
I haven't had cause to end a relationship recently. But historically, I was very much the same - all or nothing, I've stormed out of many relationships.
As I reflect on those incidents it seems to me that part of my problem was (trait 7) guilt feelings when I stand up for my self instead of giving in. This lead to me (erroneously) resenting that person and to avoid being abandoned I created situations whereby I could justify (erroneously) my feelings towards them and react badly and storm out.
Creating a 'stink' enabled me to feel a sense of self righteousness i.e. See look how bad they are (erroneous blame) and then not to feel bad about doing what I was doing.
More recently, with those I don't want a relationship with I don't have one. I simply leave it where it was and decline (nicely) invitations. That excludes 'love' relationships from this new found method as it simply hasn't come up in my life today.