Sometimes triggers for us are normal for others. MIL's especially. If they are not alcoholics then I try to let normal happen even if I don't understand it completely and I have to let go of my control. Kids are always going to cry when left even in good care, that is normal. We have a hard time letting go of control because we think all heck will break loose if we aren't on top of everything. Kids will always hear contradictory views from others, but my rules are constant with them and the majority of time. They learn who to depend on and obey. I can't keep them from everyone because their rules are a bit different. My MIL used to not have a set bedtime and I was sure it was going to be the ruin of my kid, but sure enough it wasn't. I looked at INTENT of others and if it wasn't evil then ok, I also looked at OUTCOME of others and if it wasn't evil, then ok. If it was evil then all bets were off and the kids didn't see them. But I had no normal to compare it to so I did a lot of reading and relaxing.