You are so right, Fandy. I resisted change, due to fear. I think I am learning how to work on that thanks to you and the others here, who have been so kind, and gently pushing me forward. I couldn't see a path,,, I felt like i was stepping off a cliff. I have learned some things.
I almost hesitate to write this... today my son actually mentioned going to see someone. We were talking about stuff... jobs, computer stuff, and so on. dont even remember, but it was casual and friendly.
He said something about Maybe it being a good idea to talk to someone... perhaps its a touch of ADD or hyperactivity, and maybe they will give him ritalin and send him on his way. .. that he did not really think it is, and does not really think its anxiety.. he spoke as if he has been doing some research on possibilities.
anyway, He seemed calm, and as if he was offering to go. I told him that the woman that my therapist suggested is in the same practice , but that they cannot share your personal information, by law. And that this lady is around his age, attractive and smart, and that she seems quite dedicated. He asked if they take his insurance, and I told him that they do.
I of course am suspect of this. I wondered if he was hoping to abuse ritalin... but I know that he hates anything that slows him down, and besides, she would not prescribe it unless he needed it. so no worry there. they are not dummies there.
The other thought was of what I told him yesterday, when he called me at work. or day before yesterday...forget.
Anyway, he was fussing at how that other office called him and how he does not need this... blahblah blah. I decided to tell him what I had been thinking of saying.... I told him that if there was anything in this world that would let me feel hope again, it would be if he went to talk to someone. that I love him more than life and that I believe that this could help him to live a better life. That it would make me happier than anything I can think of, to see him get help.
So regardless of why, it can only be a positive thing, in my mind.
He is also excited about doing a 'gig', online, for someone wanting to hire someone to help develop a game or something. He isn't sure how the job he applied for is going to go. .. he turned in the stuff online, and is waiting to hear from her.
so, that's a new twist!
Perhaps he is so excited about this online opportunity, he will do anything to be able to have access to the internet.
I am too shocked to be excited.