Welcome to SR, jadamstree. You're in the right place for information and support in dealing w/alcoholism. Reading here as much as you can, making sure not to miss the stickies at the top of the page, is a good start for you.
You say you ended your cocaine use/addiction b/c you went into the service. Did you use a 12-step program? What was your experience w/addiction and recovery? Do you have a support system now, like NA or CA? I ask b/c it sounds like you might be in need of some basic info on alcoholism, in spite of having your own experience w/cocaine.
I'd recommend looking up Alanon meetings in your area and getting to a meeting sooner rather than later. Having some face-to-face support in combination w/SR has worked well for me, and I'd suggest it for you also.
Meanwhile, remember the 3 C's about your wife's alcoholism: You didn't Cause it, you can't Cure it, and you can't Control it. She drinks b/c she is an alcoholic, not b/c you had an affair 10 years ago.
Wishing you strength and clarity as you start to find your way thru this.