Hi guys! Just thought I would check in and I see that I missed some posts. Today is my 8 month sober anniversary, and I can't believe it.
It's been a nightmare two weeks. I went to Utah for a vacation with my best friend starting on the 4th of July. On our second day there, while I was in the absolute middle of nowhere, I got a call that my mom was in the hospital and had a half hour to live. She has COPD and my dad had found her unconscious in her apartment and called 911. It slowly turned into she wouldn't make it through the night, then she might make it but would have to go on hospice, and then she somehow stabilized enough to return home. She made a miraculous recovery from this episode, but her disease is end stage now and she is on a palliative care program and we are checking in on her all the time. Trying to apply for Medicaid so she can get extra help at home. She forgets things easily (like whether she's taken meds) and it's terrifying. Family drama is at an all-time high. Very stressful.
On that first night in Utah, after we drove back to Salt Lake City to catch the first flight out, I was planning my relapse when I returned back home. Thank god my friend was there and wouldn't let me drink. I have made it so far without any more huge cravings, but this is the event I have always worried about in terms of my sobriety. My counselor is helping me work out a relapse prevention plan specific to when the next medical crisis happens and when my mom dies. This is so scary.
Although I'm not drinking, I did pick up smoking again (since my mom is dying from it, makes total sense), and I see all the old addiction patterns coming back. I'll quit tomorrow, I'll just have a couple, people smoke for years and never have a problem so it's okay, etc etc etc. My plan is to quit when I go back to work on Monday, and use any programs I need if I find it too hard.
As my counselor pointed out, I am lucky to be sober right now so I can be fully present for my mom and enjoy the time I have left with her. But it really, really sucks.
I hope everyone else is doing well.