many times I am jealous of people who have healthy well balanced marriages and lives.
You're preaching to the choir. I wish the same thing at least once a day but I don't have balance because I wasn't raised in a balanced environment. In fact, I bet if I was dropped into a situation with a bunch of balanced people I would probably try to relate to them in a dysfunctional way because that's what I know. You're trying to become a healthier version of yourself and that's enough for today.
Be kind to yourself, Liz. I think you're doing a fantastic job!