Oh my dear, dear friend...I am so sorry you are hurting. ((HUGS))
I am reminded of something I read once about life with an addict/abuse, and how it really truly is like fighting a war. And we come out of it damaged and scarred. To me, it makes absolute sense that one way you have coped with everything is to become one big giant exposed nerve, but to turn all of that emotional turmoil inward. I completely understand the hypersensitivity, and the tendency to deconstruct every single detail in your own mind (but not talk about it with anyone else).
You know what I'm going to say...be gentle with yourself. You may have trouble setting boundaries with your RAH, because you spend so much time in his presence. Celebrate how far you have come, and give yourself some much-deserved credit for that. Perhaps try to focus on one friendship at a time. Think of the friend you are most comfortable with, and make a concerted effort to re-frame your oversensitivity in that relationship.
Love you!
Edited to add: I think sometimes we expect so much of ourselves in our own recoveries, because we (a) see ourselves as better able to handle things and get well than our qualifiers, and (b) want to "show" our qualifiers that this is how recovery is done. You are your own best friend in everything, especially your recovery. You have come so far, my friend! You will continue to make progress and grow. The fact that you are aware of these things is amazing. How many years did you live before you identified this particular issue? For me, it was about 35.