As a big kosher dill myself, I can tell you there is hope.
I recovered after drinking in increasing amounts over thirty plus years.
There were periods of no alcohol for weeks or months during that time, and my
drinking really didn't escalate until caring for my alcoholic chain-smoking drama queen
of a mother became almost crippling to my own life. That period lasted a good ten to fifteen years, and by the end I was drinking almost daily,
and had learned what a blackout was, has some tremors, etc. so I was the real deal alcoholic by the end.
Two things I want to share with you:
Moderation, in my view, is not possible for "real" alcoholics. Those of us who are pickled, as it were, have rewired our brains and don't respond to booze the way a normal person does,
and we cannot safely control or predict our intake of alcohol once it starts. I may have a single glass for weeks, but all of a sudden, I won't be able to stop until I finish the bottle.
I don't know when that is going to happen, and I cannot control it despite my best intentions and my honest plan to just have one.
So as long as your husband is thinking he can moderate, I don't think he will recover. Total non-drinking no matter what is what it takes for nearly all of us I suspect.
The second thing is my spouse or family could not and did not have control over my choice to drink. By the end I really wanted my drink more than my marriage, and I do love my husband.
It was the thing the drowned the pain and let me have an "off" switch dealing with the impossible, savage, and soul-destroying situation I had entered with my mother.
You husband doesn't have that external situation, but clearly he has internal problems he may have been carried for a lifetime.
Choosing to engage and process the pain is not an alcoholic's first choice ever, and only they can come to the realization that the must go through the pain to move forward.
Meanwhile, their actions are so self-centered and myopic they may destroy everyone around them and cause serious and permanent harm to their family.
My mother was similar to your husband I think in that she had undiagnosed mental issues, and was angry and hurt and lashing out and didn't know why,
but I caught the brunt of it most of my life. She never choose to stop drinking in her life until the last few months in the nursing home when she no longer had access to alcohol.
You can spend the rest of your life dealing with this imbalance or give him the space to find healing.
He must accept that he has an addiction, the underlying reasons for his addiction, and earnestly and without qualification seek help to deal with this. He doesn't
sound like a good candidate to "do it himself" as he has more than alcoholism to deal with.
Shooting a gun off inside the house was exactly what my mother did more than once, claiming to be suicidal but what it did was hold my brother and I as emotional hostages. Don't do that to yourself or your daughter.
There is always hope. I recovered from my alcoholism, but I admitted I had a problem, took full responsiblity, and got therapy and daily work a program of recovery.
Until he does that, and you see a solid block of time of real sobriety, keep out of the damage zone for your own mental health and that of your daughter.
Best to year and I pray for healing for your family.