Lizatola-
This was a huge part of my recovery too. The over-analyzing, the scrutiny, the overthinking.
For me personally this is where my therapist really helped (though I did occasionally bring it up at Al-anon as a topic).
It took time (and I think I had to go through it, there were no short cuts for me), but it has gotten so much better for me with help.
One day I woke up and realized that I was anxious. I knew I was because my head was going 18 directions, a million of miles a minute, and that was not the "norm" for me any longer.
I did have to be internal for some time. In part because outside stimulation just triggered my behavior. That has also shifted for me in the last year. I found that I did many similar things in my relationships with friends that I did with my exAH that got me into recovery....and it just took me some time to unravel that and stop doing those pieces.