chicory....I am so glad that you finally have someone that you can talk to about your son. I know this "limbo" period is hard when you want to see some results so badly. "Hurry up and wait" is always sooo hard to actually do!
You do sound more settled than you did when you were foaming at the mouth from anxiety and anger...LOL. You sound realistic, yet hopeful, and with a plan in your pocket.
One almost has to laugh at his passive aggressive attempt to disarm you---"Leave me alone, I will just sit alone, in the dark". A little quacking, I think. He will try all of the tools in his arsenal, of course----best behavior; puffy-toad temper tantrum; passive aggressive moves to make you feel guilty; accusations and criticisms of you........etc.
This would be only natural (for him)....he has got to be feeling the pressure that something is being expected of him. I'm sure that his anxiety level is up also--his isolation and self-medication is not working to protect him from the outside world so much as it has been.
Chicory...have you ever thought of the things that you would be doing if your son wasn't living there and you weren't spending so much energy and head space worrying about him? The reason that I ask that is because I know how much different the world looks when one has some things to look forward for themselves--something satisfying to get up out of bed for........
We are always advising those who are consumed with an alcoholic partner to start spending their life energy on themselves.......but, I think that applies in other situations, also.
I am so glad to hear your report from today's session. I had been thinking about you, today. Just remember how many others have been in your situation or are still struggling with it. Lots of other mothers.
I think you are doing just great moving forward with this.
dandylion
P.S. There IS a mental health section section of SR.....I tend to forget that there are so many other sections here......maybe there would be some support there for you also....