Originally Posted by
silentrun 
The day I quit was the day I realized all I wanted to do was drink. There actually was a time when I had an off switch. The dangerous drinking habits lead to loss of control. I knew at age 35 something had drastically changed but I kept going another 10 years. Moderation management should have begun before the first blackout. Once I realized I had a problem it was probably already to late. That's OK. I feel like the decision to quit was mine alone. Nobody pressured me into it. I saw the situation and I saw the way out. Owning the right to quit instead of feeling forced into it made this possible.
Same for me. Unfortunately that ship sailed long ago. Moderation is not an option for me.
I remember reading a post on another thread where the poster described "ruining his relationship with alcohol." I believe the same happened with me. I didn't start off with an abnormal relationship with alcohol. It wasn't that I took my first drink and was off to the races. It was insidious; a maladaptive coping mechanism that I used to self-medicate my mental illness and anesthetize myself against LIFE. It took years of inappropriate drinking to get to the dark place; but I got there eventually.
Eventually I had to recognize that there was the relationship I WANTED to have with alcohol and the relationship I ACTUALLY have with alcohol. Two very different realities. As much as I would like to moderate; in a "perfect world" I live in the real world and know that it is an exercise in futility.
That is why I will never go back. The road washed out behind me long ago and I can only move forward. I learned about AVRT and it helped me stop drinking. I am now recovered; but a non-drinker.
Total abstinence is the only answer for me.
Thanks for listening.