The reality is that for years I have been fighting with his dad about providing the bare minimum of reasonable care for DS. To his credit, he never missed a visitation, and he's always paid child support. Other than that? He's a total wild card that shunts the needs and desires of his partners and kids aside if they conflict with his own.
It really hurts to see him being free and open with his dad, and emotionally distant with me, and also talking about wanting to live with his dad and how great they are. I've never had the money to throw around that they do, and that's always been a problem. I have made peace with it, but they can do vacations and gift extravaganzas that I can not.
And I feel tremendous guilt at bringing XAH into DS's life, just to have them bond and then for XAH to disappear into alcoholism and drop out of DS's life forever. That was the real blow. I made him move out, and XAH and his family never made a move to contact or say anything to DS ever again. Just like that. That's what he's really mad about. He understands that this separation and divorce was a practical need for safety and stability for everyone involved, but it still hurts him deeply. I can't blame him.
That was a real mistake on my part. I can't take it back, can't fix it.