FT

So many great posts! Where to start?

FreshStart, you asked, "Why drink, FT? What's going on?" The answer is, nothing really. I live my life with intention and have for a long time. I have to remember that, if I hit a "rough patch" it may not be so easy to stick to my intentions. So, for me, drinking again is just not worth it. I had an addiction scare after major orthopedic surgery in 2009, which brought me to SR to get off opiates. I NEVER saw the "opiate hell ride" coming, and it shocked me. I used to post mostly in the Substance Abuse forum. My opiate addiction drove home the "addictive personality" thing, and I had to draw upon the "skills" I used to quit drinking to help me quit opiates.

I've thought of the question you raised off and on over the years, with the difference being, "Why NOT drink?" At the end of the day, I have to remember why it was that I wanted to quit in the first place, if I always had a choice?

I remember a long time ago, during a time I was quite happily drinking Cold Duck every night, I went to the dentist and he asked me, "How much grape juice DO you drink, anyway?" ???? I never have been a grape juice drinker, so it shocked me to hear that question. OMG, the Cold Duck! Wow. I was one of those "invisible drinkers" for most of my drinking career. I never went to bars, did all my drinking at home, usually alone. I had probably already tried and failed to quit drinking a few times by then, especially if my teeth were already purple. Believe me, I did NOT like being unmasked!

Here's why I quit: tired of going to different stores all the time so no one would SEE my Cold Duck habit, tired of smashing wine bottles so no one would see them in the trash, tired of being fat (Cold Duck is fattening), tired of only the first half of the first bottle tasting good any more, tired of feeling like crap the next day after I graduated to bottle #2 every night, .... I could go on, but that's a start. It was also expensive. I had not yet gotten to the place of physical ailments, but I could see the two bottles a night down the road being three, or graduating to hard booze, which I already sometimes did.

My husband and I tried quitting together a bunch of times, but eventually one or both of us decided we had it nailed, so we could party now and again. Quickly back up to the daily high volume drinking. His drinking scared me, and I was more afraid of his continued drinking than mine. So when I up and "took a stand" one day, "I am never going to drink again...," he did not believe me. I never "meant it" before. After I had a couple of months behind me, he took notice and promised he would quit "soon." I didn't believe him. Then one day he had a nosebleed that would not stop. I explained to him that the liver controls the body's clotting factors and that his high volume drinking could have something to do with it. That scared the crap out of him and he quit drinking right after that.

Samse, your thought process comes the closest to how I look at alcoholism, and I too like to challenge pre-conceived ideas about it. Personally, I do believe that I ALWAYS had a choice to drink, and I have had plenty of opportunities over the years to change my mind. I agree that "the Clear and Concise Pathway of Choice is a thoughtful consideration of moderation, not a bulldozing past the question as if its a scary monster under the bed." I no longer fear "taking that first drink" as some sort of slippery slope to hell. It just doesn't make sense to me to drink these days. I've mentioned here before that I have accidentally taken a sip of alcohol in a "mystery drink" offered to me. I am also in a profession that celebrates a lot, and I have been offered champagne too many times to count. I'm just never interested. Even though I do not think it would matter to me, since I would not be drinking to get buzzed, alcohol just doesn't taste good to me any more.

I also agree with Samse that a thought of moderation is some kind of indication that things are wrong or in RR terms "the beast" is talking. My musings about it now really are not the "Beast" rearing up. Maybe I am fooling myself, but these thoughts do not occur as urges, but more as a self-questioning about "why refuse" next time somebody places another drink in my hand. Do I need to?

Croissant, here's what you said, and I like it:

"1. Fair point about thinking about drinking, regardless of moderating / being sober. When drinking, I don't want to feel suddenly panicked if there is only one bottle of wine for the evening, or worse, I have to unexpectedly share my alcohol with someone. For me, it's much easier to moderate - sober.

2. Euphoric Recall is the minds way of "tricking" us back to our poison of choice to feed the addiction. Dampening any good Euphoric Recall memories, by remembering the garbage alcohol brought to my life and taking off the rose coloured glasses is imperative for me to stay sober. Alcohol brought nothing good long term to either my Mother, or eventually, myself. In fact, I was a non-drinker basically til my early thirties. It's very easy to get sucked into the addiction lie once that switch gets turned on. Finding out about how Euphoric Recall can trick me, just put addiction into a whole new light for me."

I won't be drinking any time soon, that's for sure. I have several logical reasons why not:

1. I won't risk my husband's sobriety. Even though I do not think he would drink again, it would not be fair to subject him a drinking wife. What is very true is that every time I go on a diet, my husband loses weight. I can extrapolate the inverse to drinking.
2. Alcohol doesn't taste good to me now, so why TRY to make it taste good again?
3. I am 63 years old this month and want to make it to 93.
4. I have other ways of feeling relaxed and happy now.
5. I can't think of any GOOD reasons to drink.
6. I dislike purple teeth.
7. I am an Advanced Nephalist.

I could probably think of more reasons to add to both lists (why not drink? why drink?), but I figure you guys could probably come up with a better list than I can.

Thank you guys for ALL your great replies. I rarely start threads any more, but this had been on my mind and when the Moderation Forum thing came up, I bit.

FT