My son went to live with his father when he was 12 years old. He had just gotten caught shoplifting. At the time I thought it would be good for him. XH (not alcoholic but smokes marijuana) was remarried and I thought my boy needed a father figure on a daily basis. He moved in with Dad and it wasn't long before XH and wife got divorced and they moved out. At age 16 my son decided he wanted to quit school and XH said it was OK. It was NOT ok with me. He quit school. At 18 years old got his GED only because I made that happen. He is 29 years old and has a felony record and struggles with drug addiction. I have suffered greatly for many years over my decision to let him go live with his father. He has told me that I am not responsible - that he made the choices himself.
I want to believe that if XH and wife had stayed married things might have been different. Who knows.
If I had to do it all over again I would not do it. Perhaps your son can have an extra day or 2 at his dad's. I feel like I lost any influence over him when he went to live with his dad. 14 is a tough age. Thank goodness for Al-Anon. I am able to live in the present and trust my HP to take care of that which I have no control over. I wish I knew about Al-Anon when my kids were young.